My cynical views on love

Do you know what look I hate? That look that people get after a surprise kiss. You see it in the movies and on TV all the time- the sexual tension is finally broken when the stereotypically attractive male hero finally plants one on the strong and independent female lead. Most people love this scene because that tension that has been building and building is finally broken and the two people everyone has been rooting for can finally be happy together.

But I don't see it that way. If you look closely and see past that immediate smile that comes across the woman's face, you see something else. Complete trust and vulnerability. And you know what? That just makes me angry. Why is it that a woman can be just fine, and even more than that really well off, and then as soon as a man kisses her she is weak? She abandons all sense of strength just because someone bent over and pressed his lips to hers. And in that one instant, all of her insecurities are written all over her face. You can see that she just can't believe that someone would actually find her attractive enough and interesting enough to make the effort to kiss her.

I may just be jaded though. This makes me angry because I recognize this look in myself. I remember the people that I have given this look to. I remember the moments when someone completely surprised me with a kiss. The summer afternoon watching movies and drinking beer on the couch, the party where a long awaited conversation leads to more, the innocent gathering in a friend's apartment. And yes, I bought into the romance of it each time. I allowed myself to believe that a kiss was more than a kiss. And after having my heart broken by these men, I realized that the hero is not a hero. He is just another liar that will use you until there is nothing left of you to use and then leave you with no explanation. Months later you may get the lame excuse "oh, I realized I wasn't over my ex" or "my life got a little crazy" or "I just wasn't ready for a relationship" (even though they start dating someone immediately after...) but in the long run, the "hero" is just another lousy excuse for a man in a long line of men just waiting to break your heart.

Bitter? Maybe. Heartbroken? Yes. Disillusioned to the idea of romance that everyone seems to buy into? Definitely.